Post date: Nov 08, 2010 6:23:9 PM
In this article I would like to describe some basic
characteristics of an emotionally unavailable person. Let
these serve you as red flags when you're dating, to watch
out for before you get too involved.
Many clients and friends ask me, how do I know if the personI am dating is a player or emotionally unavailable?Understandably, you don't want your heart to be involved toomuch when you're dating someone, only to realize the personis emotionally unavailable. Nobody said that love doesn'tinvolve risks, but there are some red flags we often chooseto ignore during the early dating stage, especially when thechemistry and sexual attraction is there.So, what are the signs to watch out for?Inconsistency. During you past or present dating experience,do you remember coming across someone who is inconsistent?The guy would tell you one thing, while his actions saysomething completely different. Or they would not followthrough with what they say they're going to do. If a guyasks you out for lunch or drinks without giving you the
specifics, like time and date, that is a sure warning sign
of him not being available. Nobody is perfect and it is
understandable to make mistakes sometimes, or things can
come up and we are unable to follow through with our
commitments. However, what makes an emotionally unavailable
person different is the fact that he (she) doesn't mean what
he (she) says. Even if they sound like they do, they still
don't and the truth sooner or later makes itself known.
Avoiding being direct. Emotionally unavailable people avoid
confrontations at all cost. They don't like to be direct and
distance makes them feel more comfortable. If this person is
not interested in you, it is extremely hard for them to be
honest about how they feel. It may seem that she cares about
your feelings and doesn't want to hurt you, but the truth is,
she just doesn't want to be around you and tell you the truth
in your face or even over the phone.
Same place, different time. Typically when you date an
emotionally unavailable person, all your dates feel the
same. You almost never explore anything new together - it
feels like you're going to the same places. Even if the
location is different, the feeling of the place is still the
same. Or you only see each other at either one of your home,
or most of your interactions are limited to phone
conversations. You may talk for hours but you rarely say
anything meaningful to each other. And even if you do, after
a while all your conversations eventually divert to the same
subject. What's really weird is the fact that if you are
attracted to this person enough, you don't get bored with
such lack of diversity. But eventually one of you does.
Lack of trust. Finally, even if you feel like you are in
love with this person, there is still something inside you
that doesn't want to trust him or her. I think this lack of
trust is probably the biggest indicator that you are with an
emotionally unavailable person. Your head may be clouded with
hormones but your gut feeling will always be there to tell
you the truth whether you're willing to hear it or not.
About the Author:
Katherine Bouglai
Love Empowerment Coach