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Holiday Funk? 7 Steps To Rise Above

posted 12 Dec 2010, 05:52 by Mpelembe   [ updated 12 Dec 2010, 05:53 ]

The holidays are 'supposed to be' a time of love and
laughter.  Families and loved ones stop their frenzied lives
to get together in peace, harmony and abundant gift giving.
At least that's what much of the media and advertisers tell
us how it should be each year.

Yet for many of us, the holidays come with its own dark
heavy cloud of 'what the heck is wrong with me? I SHOULD be
happy.' Truth is, we're anything but. As the holidays get
nearer and nearer we slip further and further into a holiday

If this sounds familiar, then listen up. Its time you gave
yourself a powerful gift.

The good news is you don't have to fight the traffic jams or
search for a parking place at the mall.  You already have
this gift hidden deep within you.  All you have to do is be
willing to own and care for it as you would your own child.

I know, I've been there - for more years than I care to
recall.   While I loved the spirit of the holiday season I
felt lost and left out.  I had no clue what it meant to
enjoy a home filled with parents who love and support you -
let alone give you a gift you actually want.

I had no experience with laughter at the holiday table.  All
I knew was the constant bickering and the shame I felt for
not measuring up to the child my parents wanted me to be.
Later, the wife my ex-husband wanted me to be.

Each year I hoped in vain holiday joy would visit me.  It
never knocked on my door. I felt lost, alone and miserable
every holiday - well into my adult years.

Until I went out and created a holiday season that not only
brought joy to my face, it opened my heart so I could
finally receive a loving embrace.

I rose above. Here's how you can do it too.

1. Set your intention for how you chose to experience the
holiday family get together.  Realize while you can't change
other people yet you can change how you experience them.

2. Let no one "should" upon you. If anyone - including
relatives and well-meaning friends - tries to boss you
around, merely thank them for the suggestion and change the
subject.  If they persist, excuse yourself from the
conversation. Exclaim "Oh look, there's dessert!" - and run.
To borrow a line from Eddie Izzard, if given the choice
between cake or death, choose cake!

3. Give yourself a loving talking-to.  If you want love and
respect from anyone else, you have to have it for yourself
first.  People can say what they will. You don't have to
take on their views as the truth - especially when it's
about you.  By loving myself yourself - your whole self -
you no longer depend upon others in order to feel loved.

4. With an open heart, understand that everyone is doing the
best they can with the light they have to see. Even though
some people are missing a few batteries in their flashlight
they are doing the best they can.

5. Acknowledge and appreciate all that you are and all you
have instead of have not.

6. Embrace the notion that everything is in perfect order
even if you might not understand why your circumstance is
the way it is. There's a gift in the lesson that can be
received in your situation.  Learn it and you'll be able to
move beyond.

7. Invest in what will feed your soul instead of your belly
or overstuffed closet this holiday season.  If you engage in
what makes your heart sing you will enjoy a permanent holiday
from your funk.

Today I love the holiday season and the time I spend with
family and friends. My family is the one I created.
Bloodlines are irrelevant.

Instead of wanting to bitch slap the lady in the grocery
store who's yelling at some 'idiot' (her words, not mine) on
her cell phone I turn my attention and smile at the mother
who is enjoying her child's awe and amazement at the
gingerbread house display even though he ate the gumdrop

Instead of drowning in my former holiday misery, I head to
the Comedy Club in Hermosa Beach, CA.  Its impossible to
feel bad after laughing yourself silly.

Most of all, I'm happy because I get to share the holidays
with you.  We are connected in spirit. And in that
connection we are family.  You always have a welcomed place
at the table in my heart.

About the Author:

As a Coach & Personal Accountability Expert Valery helps
unfulfilled people satisfy what's missing in their personal
or professional life. Clients make a greater impact &
contribution and create an inner wealth legacy. Moxie:
confidential concierge service catering to the requirements
of an elite clientele - free